Big News

so i just spent a wonderful week in indiana and have some intriguing news. i'm also slightly distracted, so i'm just going to lay it out right here.

this boy that i <3 has two best friends: Adam and Brett.

Brett's parents have two houses, one that they live in and another that they lease. the current resident's lease is up in April, so Brett's parents are leasing the house to Brett, Adam, and Steve for only $900 a month. when they're living together, they're all going to be going to school and working.

when i visited they all seemed to like me a lot, and one of the last nights i was there, they suggested that if i was interested in moving to Indi to be closer to Steve and go to school there, that i could live in the house with them. and even if i didn't have enough money to pay rent right away or couldn't find a job right away, they would support me until i got used to the area.

this is so tempting i can barely stand it.

here's why: in Maryland i have no friends. i sit alone almost all day until i have class, have no one to talk to there, come home and sit alone again. for hours. by myself. i'm sick of my job at the library because i have no friends there anymore. i hate that i'm so alone, but i'm too shy and insecure to actually go out and try to make friends because i'm really pretty naive. i hate being drunk and i get sick from smoking anything, so that strikes any chance of my making friends in a fucking college full of drunk stoners.

in my house i get nothing done. i sit and watch tv all day and neglect homework/papers/school related work. if i need to get something done i have to leave.

my mom just came in my room and yelled at me for being lazy. shocking. that's another thing:

she never lets me do anything on my own. i have done nothing for college. when i try to do laundry she tells me it's wrong, and rather than explaining how it's wrong, she just fixes it and does everything herself.

how am i supposed to evolve as a successful human being if she's sitting there doing everything for me and not allowing me any room for personal experience. she bugs me to go out, and when i do she's upset that i won't call her every 3 seconds.

when i was in Indi she was texting me about a friend's pregnancy, and when i asked what the baby's sex was she started freaking out because she 'thought that i already knew', so OBVIOUSLY her first reaction is that i have been kidnapped and some stranger is faking being me. so she calls. i screen the call. she calls again. three times. i screen them again. i text her telling her i'm with people and can't talk. she replies that this worries her and she's afraid i'm in trouble. i call her and tell her that i'm perfectly fine. she is panicking, saying that this answer worries her. i tell her she's being ridiculous and hang up.

how the hell am i supposed to deal with that. seriously.

if i move out and start over, i can change. if i'm in a house with three other people in school, i'm more likely to get work done.

i can get away from my mother. that's enough.

my plan is to move out there for fall semester, after summer. i wouldn't start school right away, though. i'd get a job and work for a few months, try to get used to the area and meet some new people. i'd start school as a transfer in the spring semester and just start over. towson is killing me. i cry almost every night because of how horrible everything is. i just have to get away.

sorry for being emo,

latte.